


Vanitas' great self-discovery trip

by Jaquiele



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Aqua (Kingdom Hearts) - Freeform, Chirithy (Kingdom Hearts) - Freeform, Dialogue Heavy, Disney Fairies - Freeform, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Ephemer (Kingdom Hearts) - Freeform, Gen, I suck at tagging sorry, I'll update tags as this abomination progress, KHUx References, Mentioned Sora (Kingdom Hearts), Mentioned: - Freeform, Physical Abuse, Pre-Kingdom Hearts III, Recovered Memories, Skuld (Kingdom Hearts) - Freeform, Strelitzia (Kingdom Hearts) - Freeform, Talking out your feelings, Terra (Kingdom Hearts) - Freeform, Van is still little shit but he's trying, Vanitas is a nerd, Vanitas likes snow, Vanitas swears, Ven is olympic champion at sleeping, Ventus does a thing, Xehanort (Kingdom Hearts) Bashing, Young Xehanort (Kingdom Hearts) - Freeform, actually quite a lot of headcanons, evil usage of puppy eyes, getting deep with the lore, headcanon that Unversed represents actual emotions, i love that tag btw, it's kind of spoiler but not?, it's mostly Vanitas having mid-life crisis and Ventus chilling on a chair, looks like it's a thing in my works, so a lot of people are only mentioned, somebody make him a swear jar, spoilers free!, the boys would and still will let themselves get chopped for stars and space
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2019-02-06
Packaged: 2019-09-12 10:51:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16871593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jaquiele/pseuds/Jaquiele
Summary: Who would have thought that Ventus would make such a good therapist? And whilst being asleep too! Certainly not Vanitas. But apparently he’ll take what he can get. How do you cope with getting split into two beings, while half of you is napping? You go on self-discovery trip of course! Also wait, did they lose a cat on their way?!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I have time until KH III comes out, let's have fun with this something. Spoiler - I don't know where I am going with this. English isn't my first language and I have no beta. Please point out my grammar mistakes.  
>  This chapter and entire story starts with my headcanon that Xehanort sent out Vanitas to find Ventus. He finally succeeded but it turns out that revealing his whereabouts to his old master is not so simple.

“I should kill you right here. Or report you back to the old man. You have no right to sit so peacefully.”

All those words, dripping with venom were met with silence.

“I hate you. Always so weak, useless, dumb and empty. That’s exactly what you are.”

Red trimmed, black shoes scuffed closer to the throne.

“And the worse of it?”

A loud clatter of a weapon falling on the floor temporarily broke the silence. With a dry chuckle the owner of said weapon followed it on the ground, sitting at the small steps in front of the throne.

“I’m just like you.”

 

Nearby Vanitas’ legs, a part of his shadow seemingly separated from the rest and after a few seconds a flood raised it’s head, looking around. Slowly it awkwardly shuffled to the black haired boy pushing it’s head under his head. With a sour face Vanitas scratched Flood’s head and made a gesture.

“Take a look around.” And then slightly turning his head towards Ventus. “See? I’m talking to myself. Add crazy to the ever growing list of fuck ups. Heh, you know who else is a fuck up? Your precious friends.  Your dumb Terra got caught by the old man.” After few seconds he added quieter and voice grim “He took away his body, turned him into a vessel. And nobody knows where the blue girl is. She’s either really stupid and lucky or dead. Or she’s actually the only one of you three who uses their brain and is hiding.”

“I wanted to make her my backup, you know idiot? It was kinda obvious you were pathetic, so not like I was dead set on merging with you exclusively. Well, I was. But of course, you had to be yourself and destroy everything like always. Till the very end, you kept pushing me away. You had to feel it!”

With those words Vanitas turned around , raising on his knees, arms braced on the floor, eyes shining with anger.

“Right after we merged! Before you started fighting me you idiot! You had to feel how right it felt, to be whole! How could you not?!”

During his shouting even more Unversed emerged from him, the room now hosting around twenty of the creatures. Most of them were Buckle Bruisers and Red Hot Chilli’s. Unfortunately, their appearance only made Vanitas even angrier.

“SEE?! IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT! YOU BROKE ME! OF COURSE YOU GET IT EASY, PERFECT LITTLE VENTUS! I CAN’T EVEN FEEL LIKE A NORMAL PERSON!”

But just like before, Ventus remained silent and unmoving.

Hot rage blinding his eyes, the young wielder summoned his keyblade from the floor and started viciously slashing at the Unversed, after each one’s disappearance even more coming to the existence. This cycle continued until Vanitas could feel his entire body burning with pain, his muscles screaming from over exercising. With raw throat he dropped to the floor, curling into a ball. He didn’t even noticed when he started and stopped screaming. Unable to make any other sound he laid there whimpering, tears making their ways down his face, mouthing repeatedly _I hate you._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for all mistakes and typos.

The second time he stood in front of the Chamber of Waking, he was surprised he found it so easily. It was almost like Ventus _wanted_ to be found by him. Immediately after such thought Vanitas scoffed. He was probably the last person his idiotic other half wanted to be found by.

Glancing around he made sure that nobody followed him there. Because obviously you didn’t survived so long as Xehanort’s apprentice without developing paranoia. When no one appeared after few minutes, he slowly pushed the door. It was probably one of the weirdest things about it. He expected that blue haired master to at least lock these doors, but all it needed was gentle push of Vanitas’ hand and it swung open. Feeling unease due to his last visit, he took his time getting in and closing the door.

The darkness wielder didn’t turn around right away, just kept staring at the intricately decorated, polished wood. What if Ventus was awake? Deep inside he knew it was stupid idea, because he would have felt that change, but that didn’t stop him from thinking.

That actually made him stop. What if he woke up suddenly? Would he attack him? Did all those years of sleeping affected him? And what about him? Did he want to fight Ventus?

Vanitas went frigid. _Where did that even come from?_ Of course he would fight him! What else he had to do with his life? What purpose if not creating the χ-blade?

When something grabbed his leg he let out a blood curdling scream and jumped, crashing right into closed doors. Flailing his arms around he went down, bruising his elbows painfully and biting his tongue. With watered eyes he went to summon the Void Gear, but stopped upon seeing the culprit. It was lone Scrapper, one that he must not have noticed creating. It had it’s arms wrapped around the body, trembling with fear and anxiety, red eyes darting around the room, head turning nervously.

“Pathetic.” Vanitas grumbled and looked at the thrones. Fortunately his other half remained completely unphased by his reaction, chest faintly rising and falling.

“Oh for fucks sake you could at least move or something! I could have died right in front of you and you wouldn’t have cared! Oh wait, right! YOU ALREADY DID WATCH ME DIE!”

Chest heaving from his outburst, the dark haired boy slumped to the floor again. The Unversed seeing that it’s creator lost interest in it, slowly made it’s way to the other presence in the room. This action only seemed to make Vanitas even angrier.

“Sure, go to him. He’s so much better than me after all.” He spat out. “You’re just as worthless as he is stupid creature! Just wait, once you wake up I’ll make you pay.”

Truth to be said he had no idea how will he do that. Showing the chamber to Xehanort was the most logical next step. And yet there was something holding him back. Only thing he was sure of was that it was some feeling that he couldn’t exactly put his finger on. Since his knowledge of emotions was limited he wasn’t greatly concerned with it. There were many he felt but didn’t had a name for. Although sometime before discovering the chamber he found himself outright lying to his master, instead of spending his time looking for Ventus and Aqua, he opted to travel between worlds, simply watching people.

One of the very first thing he has observed was that his clothes made him stick out of the crowd. So whilst he still clad himself in the darkness around Xehanort and his pawns, for his trips he found himself new clothes (this action required failing at stealing from a shop and later repeatedly summoning Prize Pods with hope of finding munny inside). He left his shoes as they were, now wearing black fitting pants, tucked inside shoes like before (which he does admit weren’t as comfortable as the loose ones, but he’d rather die again than resemble Ventus in any more ways). The same reasoning made him choose a dark sleeveless shirt (and absolutely NOT layering it like the animal that Ventus was, how he could move so quickly with so many things in the way was beyond Vanitas). The only thing that seemed to mirror his other half appearance was a thin strap of leather tied around his wrist, because no mater how hard he tried, once he tried it on, he could shake off that phantom feeling that _there should be_ something on his wrist.

And if he concentrated hard enough he could remember a crowd of faceless people, all of them wearing some sort of bangles on their wrists or on their upper arms. And amidst them was Vanitas unable to look down and see what was it, but feeling something on his wrist as well.

Once his attire was changed and he could easily blend with the crowds, his exploring began. It didn’t took him long to realize that what he once thought was purely Ventus’ thing, turned out being quite common. Smiling on daily basis, having friends, people casually touching each other’s on arms or backs. Another thing he learned was that there were more emotions than he could have ever thought. Of course Vanitas knew hurt, anger or sadness like the back of his hand. On other hand happiness was something alien to him. So he researched. It involved taking advantage of an elderly probably half blind man, Vanitas’ natural stealth, his ability to see in the dark (which he now also know isn’t something considered normal, but he’ll be damned if he won’t use it as much as he wants) and breaking inside a huge library.

From here it escalated pretty quickly, mostly due to the fact that he found out his hunger for knowledge. It kind of surprised him, how much he liked (now that he could identify those new feelings he felt slightly more confident) learning new things, even something as dumb as how many bones are supposed to be in his body (206). All these little facts gave him a vague feeling of upper hand of those around him.

Maybe it was because he never liked taking orders.

Maybe it was because now he knew that the world was far more complicated than Xehanort told him.

Maybe it was the sweet taste of freedom, making him feel vaguely content for a few seconds.

Maybe it was the way his inner turmoil tended to cease a bit around his other half.

Perhaps he will found out one day, for now being content with simply lying on the floor. Reluctantly he admitted that when he wasn’t insulting or trying to kill him (or himself), Ventus was surprisingly nice company.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can pry nerdy Vanitas headcanon from my cold dead hands. I doubt Xehanort would teach him much, after all it's easier to control someone "stupid". 
> 
> Also his emotions are pretty unstable right now, because he's technically just learning how to manage them, like a child. And since Ventus is pretty much comatose he doesn't really put much effort into hiding his feelings, reactions, words, etc. ̶l̶o̶l̶ ̶i̶t̶'̶s̶ ̶s̶o̶ ̶g̶o̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶b̶i̶t̶e̶ ̶h̶i̶m̶ ̶r̶i̶g̶h̶t̶ ̶i̶n̶ ̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶a̶s̶s̶ ̶l̶a̶t̶e̶r̶,̶ ̶j̶u̶s̶t̶ ̶w̶a̶i̶t̶ 
> 
> My general idea is that he keeps his guard around everyone and it's exhausting, so his piece of heart is subconsciously telling him it's safe to let it down around Ven.  
> The clothing idea came out of my friend making a point that perhaps Vanitas would feel uncomfortable with people staring at him and being afraid that someone will recognize him since he sticks out and reporting back to Xehanort, or to Sora&Co.  
> The bangle part is a reference to KHUX, where the player gets the Light Drawing Bangle, with Ventus being apparently a part of one of the unions and the Dandelions.  
> Also my fav headcanon, as a creature of darkness, Vanitas can see in the dark.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear to god I'm gonna kill whoever made Sora cry, once the game is out.

“Did you know that the others don’t know about other worlds? Apparently a long time ago there was a war and lot of people died. Died Ventus. You know, just like me! But guess what? Not every one has a dumbass other half who possesses little kids and shares his heart with every single person but the one he should! So, no one survived. Just some random people not contributing. And there were like a bunch of actual wielders. And each one had gathered their army. Some say they were fighting for light, but others say it was about light. Get it?” a deep sigh made it’s way out of Vanitas’ mouth.

“Right, you’re to dumb for that. See, the difference was that it’s unclear whether they were fighting “for” as in protect or “for” as who would get their hands on the light. But everyone still shit their pants and divided the world into worlds after it happened. Bet your stupid master never told you that. See, that’s why I am better than him, because I’m telling you this.”

As expected, the answer never came, so Vanitas rolled his eyes and swung his legs over the armrest of the throne so he was facing the other boy.

“Your bony ass is going to hurt you till the rest of your life, I can’t even sit in this for ten minutes. Or you’re such a goody two shoes that you never complain? Tsch. Sounds like you. So while you were here, damaging yourself, I went to Neverland. Remember that world? Apparently you left there your precious toy sword.” A wicked grin made it’s way on Vanitas’ face. “So since you decided you won’t need it anymore, I took it upon myself to make sure no one else will do so. No need to thank me. Besides seeing that girl reaction to me breaking it was nice reward, so don’t bother yourself!”

Silence was the only thing that followed his voice, not counting faint breaths.

“Really?” now the black haired boy was practically seething at the sight of the remaining relaxed half smile on the other’s face. “So you don’t care that your stupid Terra trusted you with that sword and you completely failed him? Do you even care about anything?! What do I have to do to get something out of you?!”

Jumping onto his feet, Vanitas stormed up to Ventus and shoved his shoulder hard. The only change was his head lolling to the side, his body slightly slumping further in the seat. Hands clenching, Vanitas grounded his teeth and summoned Void Gear, bringing it to the brightly clad chest.

“One push. Just a little stab. You’ll be dead. So dead that even the old man won’t be able to find a use for you. Pathetic. Imagine the surprise, when your little friends come for you just to find you gone.”

With a metallic cling the keyblade disappeared and Vanitas fell to his knees.

“You’re lucky I’m a fucking coward. I know that if I die, nothing will happen to you. But what if _you_ die and _I_ don’t? Will I survive? Will my heart be complete, now that you won’t have any use of your part?”

A cold humorless laugh rolled through the empty room followed by the creak of bones as he changed his position, now his back resting against one of blonde’s legs.

“I wonder, would I feel it? Did you know that I can feel every echo of your emotion? Did you know that it hurts to just exist? And the worst irony of it all is that around you it hurts less. I have no place on this world on my own. If I killed you, would I feel like dying too? Heh. Look at me. YOU did this to me. If you could only follow simple orders and not be such a whimp. I’m stuck with you, you dumbass.”

The black haired boy felt unusual cold spreading through his body. It made his skin tingle, hair rising on the nape of his neck.

“I always thought, even if we are the same height, probably the same weight…” choking on his own words, he brought his arm next to Ventus’. Despite Vanitas’ being few shades paler, the faint white lines were still visible, perfectly mirroring the other boy. ”We even share the same scars… but I always thought at least I have a different face. My face. My own. Turns out even this isn’t my.” A dry chuckle escaped his lips “Remember that kid, the one you merged our hearts with? I met him. Or rather I saw him. He’s a fucking grown up now? Like I’m pretty sure he was as short as a flood last time. But it turns out, my dear Ventus, that merging with random children actually HAS consequences. You had to strip me of everything, didn’t you? Even when you’re not doing anything, you still only take and take and take. By the way his name is Sora. And yes, you probably guessed right! I have his fucking face."

After a long silence Vanitas shook his head.

"You know what’s even worse? The questioning. I hate it. What if it’s because of me that the old man is constantly on his ass? Because he recognized the kid's face? Why do I even feel bad about it? It makes no sense.”

Having his back turned to Ventus, he buried his head in his hands, the feeling of unease still present. What he didn’t however notice was a small twitch of the blonde’s lips, for a split second forming a soft smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If Vanitas has ever canonically met Sora, please tell me, cause I might be wrong. But for now, their previous meeting was post- BBS, when Ventus goes into Sora's heart ( ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶V̶a̶n̶i̶t̶a̶s̶ ̶u̶n̶k̶n̶o̶w̶i̶n̶g̶l̶y̶ ̶t̶a̶g̶s̶ ̶a̶l̶o̶n̶g̶ ̶f̶o̶r̶ ̶a̶ ̶w̶h̶i̶l̶e̶)  
> Another KHUX reference, can you see that I love putting slightly dumb realisctic stuff in this? XD like history getting rewrittten the way it suits the writer...
> 
> The sword thing-y is from BBS, it's a scene in Aqua's timeline.  
> Also, somebody let Vanitas read about dying and ethical problems. That's what happens when you read everything you manage to get your hands on lol (is it just my secondhand bookshops and libraries that have way to many of such books or is it a thing?)
> 
> As for the last part, imagine Roxas finding out about Ven, but 5 times more depressing. Until the split, every scar, burn and body type is the same for both Vanitas and Ventus, after that, since they have different bodies, whilst the feeling of pain does transfer to Vanitas, the physical traces doesn't.  
> And poor Sora might have acquired an accidental part-time stalker.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, roast my english. Please.

Wet droplets splattering everywhere assisted Vanitas entrance.

“Have you ever seen snow dumbass?!”

Sneeze followed with sniffing and a quick Fira spell.

“Bet you didn’t, I did, I’m better! So there is this world, almost entirely made of frozen water? And there are fucktons of frozen water, there is like 12 different types, it’s either dry or wet. Like you have normal _snow_ but also rime, sleet, ice, and each one of them is different?! There weren’t different types of sand on that shitty desert.”

Taking off his thick burgundy jacket, he wrung it out and spread out on the floor.

“As I was saying, it was fucking cold and there was this dumb old lady who was all like ‘oh no, young man you will freeze!’ and few seconds later she disappears in her house and comes out with this.” Vanitas pointed at the jacket with his keyblade, whilst switching between casting Fire and Aero at it.

“Then she goes with her entire stupid life story, that her son left her and she still has his clothes and some other dumb shit and she gives me the jacket, and says that I will at least make use of it. Can you believe it? Wait, no, you’re the exact kind of idiot who would give something to a stranger. A suspicious one at that too. Do I scream friendly to you Ven? Oh by the way, can I call you Ven? You know, since you ask all of your FRIENDS to do that? Who’s a better friend than your other half, right?” he asked with a mean grin. It was quickly broken with a loud sneeze and few curses.

“Also children are dumb and crazy. There was a bunch of them and one of them threw a ball made of snow at me. It’s called a snowball fight. Pretty self-explanatory I guess. So I was angry and made one myself and hit the kid back. And can you believe it? The kid was happy! And even asked me to ‘play’ with them. I mean, I could hit them with snow all I want and nobody can even get mad at me for this? I’d be fucking stupid to pass.”

Shaking out the last parts of ice from his hair, he sat down at Ventus’ feet and took of his shoes along with socks, repeating the same magic combination. Suddenly a mischievous gleam light up his eyes. With his free, cold hand he grabbed the blonde’s uncovered leg. When nothing happened he let out a frustrated sigh.

“Oh come on! Do something! React! It’s cold!”

When he deemed his shoes dry enough, he put them back on and slid on the armrest of the throne Ventus was sitting on.

“By the way, did you know you can enter the same world in different ways? Last week I ended up in Neverland, though I was fucking small. Like the size of my hand small. And get ready for the best shit – I had wings, WINGS VENTUS! I could fly! Not like your phantom blade-wings. Real deal. And there was this tiny fairy. Well, not tiny at that time, but she would be normally. Anyway, her name was Vidia and she taught me how to fly and hearts, she’s fast! Also not half as annoying as the rest of people. Fairies. I don’t care, she’s just less annoying! And she had a friend, Spike, but she was stupid and weak. Something about it being too warm for her or something. I’m just glad I didn’t run into that green menace. You know, the one who didn’t talk? Turns out she does, but you have to get small to understand it.”

Vanitas poked his other half few times in his cheek, but as expected, nothing happened. Sighing he raised his arms and slid down, his back falling into Ventus’ laps. With his legs resting on one armrest and head on the other, he crossed his arms.

“Move. Do something. Come on, I’m invading your space. It should make you uncomfortable. I found a whole book about it dumbass. You only let less than 1% of the entire world get so close to you.”

Unfortunately, when Vanitas wasn’t afraid of punishment for moving, he found out lately that he couldn’t stay still for longer than few minutes. There were so many things to see, so many worlds, so many books just waiting to be read. With an annoyed growl he melded into his own shadow and reentered the world a little further away.

“You’re boring Ven. No wonder your friends left you. I’m leaving too, don’t cry too much.”

Crouching down to retrieve his jacket he took a last look around and left the room. Looking left and right, he made sure nobody was around and summoned his keyblade, locking the door. If somebody was to ask him why, he’d say to make sure that Ventus doesn’t get out. But at the thought that somehow Ventus’ sleep would be disturbed without him present, Vanitas felt something cold deep inside his heart. As much as he would rather die than say it out loud, the room was slowly becoming his sanctuary, the only place where he could be himself without worrying about punishment for his action. After all, all he ever wanted was to be accepted by his other half back. If this was the closest he could get, he’ll fight for it tooth and nail.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You wouldn't believe how hardcore I was about the Disney Fairies when I was little kid. I legit cried for 2 hours when I realized that they won't be selling the comic in my hometown anymore XD
> 
> As for Ven trusting people - "okay I believe you" do I need to say more?
> 
> I'll let you guess what is the first world that Vani is talking about. The idea with children was inspired by my neighbours' kids, who are crazy when it starts to snow.  
> Were at the point where Vanitas is mostly acting like that cat which want's you to pet it, but at the same time doesn't want to.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's so close I'm ready to scream

With short and shallow breaths Vanitas emerged from the shadows inside The Chamber of Waking. The smell of his own blood quickly made him even more nauseous than he already was. Sparing the rest of his dignity and refusing to let himself collapse on the ground, he dragged himself to the unoccupied throne, dropping on it like a sack of potatoes. Around him a few of the Unversed already formed, one of the Thornbites wrapping it’s vine around his leg, spinning in the place. Few Glidewinders scattered all around the room, along with a bunch of Yellow Mustards. Quick look to Ventus confirmed that he was as oblivious to his surroundings as always. With a choked groan, the black haired boy shifted himself to ease the pain radiating through his body.

In that exact moment his head seemingly exploded. Squinting his eyes with a hiss he brought up his hands and removed his mask along with the mouthguard, letting it fall to the floor. The pain slightly eased, which only further proved the suspected head injury. He felt more Unversed leaving his body and tried to look around, but quickly covered his eyes again, the light making his head spin only more. Shifting, so his back would be facing the light coming from the ceiling, he laid his head against the frame of the throne. Closing his eyes fully Vanitas released a shaky breath.

_Only for a few seconds..._

With this thought, he felt himself slowly becoming even more tired and soon he passed out completely, everything going black.

 

* * *

 

When Vanitas begun slowly regaining his consciousness, the first thing he noticed was that he was curled around something warm. The other was the unsettling feeling that something was wrong. _Very wrong._ It took him a few blissful minutes to realize that he wasn’t feeling any pain. Not even the usual pain coming from his heart.

Eyes shooting open, he jumped on his feet. Or rather tried to. When he realized that he was in fact holding something, it was already too late, the unexpected weight dragging him down. With a grunt he felt the pain shooting through his side. The soft chiming that followed brought his attention to the thing in his arms. With surprise Vanitas recognized one of the most uncommon Unversed to spawn, Vile Phial. Catching some kind of movement in his vision he noticed that his body had a slight green glimmer. Probably sensing his emotions the Unversed started shaking, freeing itself from his hold and hovering above his head. The same sweet sound filled his ears at the same time when the vial’s lid lifted, it’s body swirling around and covering Vanitas with the same green sparkle he has seen it cover other Unversed.

It actually took him a few minutes of simply staring at the creature happily flying around, making loops and spinning around invisible point, before it struck him.

“You’re…You’re healing me…” he croaked out with disbelief.

Something lodged itself inside his throat, making him cough few times. Slowly, as if afraid that the pain will return, Vanitas stood up. With a shaky breath he tried moving his arms, and when nothing happened, he twisted around, already squeezing his eyes shut, remembering about the open wound on his side. Slightly creaking his eye open he assured himself that he was still in fact standing, not keeling over with anticipated pain. Already flexing his arms, he started to walk around, still trying to grasp what just happened. The last thing he remembered was the radiating pain and the exhaustion after the fight (he still couldn’t believe that he lost to a fucking kid!), and vaguely recalled falling asleep in the Chamber of Waking after releasing a bunch of his emotions…

_The Unversed!_

 With a curse on his lips he quickly summoned his keyblade and looked around for any of his creations but much to his surprise there were only three left, besides the still twirling vial. Two of them were Glidewinders chasing after each other at the very end of the room. The last one was a small Prize Pod lying in Ventus’ laps, happily flapping it’s small wings. Or angrily. Seeing as he still had trouble with naming his own emotions, Vanitas couldn’t be exactly sure of any of those.

“Why the fuck would you heal me?” he asked no one in particular, still staring at his other half. “None of you never did it before. No one ever did it before…” the last part he softly murmured to himself, remembering Xehanort’s way of “healing”. Which was simply throwing a potion in his direction, if only to humiliate Vanitas further when because of his injuries he didn’t move fast enough and the potion ended shattered on the ground.

Feeling his eyes burn, the boy shook his head and discarded his weapon, making his way towards Ventus. When he was close enough he quickly grabbed the round unversed and lifted the lid. Something always was inside those and he wasn’t about to pass on the first pod that didn’t try to escape him. Patting around he felt his hand curl around something pointy, taking it out. The moment his hand left the insides, the unversed burst into a cloud of purple smoke. Coughing, he waved his hand around to clear the air and examined the object in his hand. Or rather objects, a bunch of plastic, faded yellow stars-

- _“Wow, you sure are nuts about stars, aren’t you?”_

_“Pfff, says the one wearing stars!”_

_“Oh shush it, you know you love my earrings!”_

_A flash of pink stars standing out from the mass of black hair, huge, contagious smile on soft pale lips, the same lips forming a name, one so familiar, but oh so unrecognizable-_

Wet.

His face was wet, lips moving trying to give the sound to a foreign, forgotten name, but only the silence remained, along with blurry memories of hands rough from training with the keyblade and confident smiles. The same rough hands patting his back, ruffling his short hair. Long, silky strands of black hair blowing in the wind.

 

* * *

 

When Vanitas finally decided to leave the room, he took one last look around the room, his sight catching on the cheap, fluorescent stars stuck above Ventus’ head. With a scowl, he turned around, closing the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the angst :')  
> do I even have to say who's name Van can't remember?


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one probably has more spelling errors than any other.

Slowly, Vanitas was beginning to notice a new pattern.

After each visit at the Chamber of Waking he keeps telling himself that  next time he’ll come back with Master Xehanort to get Ventus.  It stays like that for a day or two. Then comes The Rehearsal™. Whilst he’d rather eat his own keyblade before admitting that maybe he had a problem with putting his thoughts into words to anyone else, he could begrudgingly admit it to himself. It never really occurred him that saying whatever was on his mind out loud might be risky. It worked perfectly when he wanted to insult someone (which he did a lot), until meeting that annoying engineer at San Fransokyo. It was a city in one of the worlds he stumbled upon while pretending to look for Ventus. Said city was a bright and lively place, people and vehicles in constant rush. Now, looking back, Vanitas had to admit he would have probably gotten lost there if he was on his own. So as annoying as she was, the four eyed idiot was useful. Sometimes Vanitas caught himself wondering if she got into much trouble for mistaking him with some “exchange student” whom she was supposed to pick up at the station he arrived.

_Well, would serve her right for being so bossy and not even letting me tell her to fuck off._

Once the girl did actually stop talking, the damage was already done, because Vanitas deemed it beneficial to get a free tour around the city, so he simply played along, running away once he got bored of her. Unfortunately it was enough time for the engineer (if she ever introduced herself, well, he didn’t really catch her name) to notice that he has apparently very limited vocabulary besides insults and point it out to him.

But back to the pattern, he tried many different ways of telling Xehanort that he had found Ventus. Irritated, that he couldn’t find one that would make him appear much stronger and more competent than his old master saw him, he usually gave up after few tries. After that, it was time for his selfish streak to shine stronger than his fear of Xehanort, so he always ended up saying that he still hadn’t found his light part.

The last step of the pattern was getting fed up with the entire situation and going to see the sleeping moron. That was exactly where he found himself now, although this time he might have skipped a step or two.

Seeing as the old man didn’t hold back with his punishment for Vanitas’ lack of progress on finding Ventus (going even so far that when Xigbar requested to speak with him alone and Vanitas was still standing, he simply told his younger self to continue attacking him until he could no longer move), he’d rather not risk coming back so quickly. If he’d show up now, completely healed after such short amount of time, they would get suspicious. Though for Vanitas it seemed like something was already way off.

He couldn’t be exactly sure if it really happened or if it was just his imagination, but once he collapsed after losing the fight to the younger Xehanort (how did THAT exactly even work? Like the old geezer wasn’t enough, no, he had to go back in time and bring to the present his past self), but he could have sworn he heard the kid awkwardly murmur an apology followed by weak healing spell casted on Vanitas. To the masked boy it made no sense, because even if he was younger, he was still Xehanort.

What aggravated him even further was that after the fight, once he was left alone, he opened a corridor to escape, his only thought _somewhere safe_. And it brought him to Ventus. He refused to accept the implication of his subconsciousness.

With an annoyed huff Vanitas shoved his hands into pockets, still glaring at the door. A high-pitched squeak brought his attention to his feet, where a single Hareriser was sitting on top of his shoe.

“The fuck you want? I’m not carrying you, you little dipshit.” he hissed at the manifestation oh his annoyance.

Completely ignoring the boy’s threat, the little creature wrapped it’s long ears around his leg. With angry growl, Vanitas shook his leg, but it only resulted in tightening the grip of the bunny-like unversed.

“Just because I don’t have entire heart doesn’t mean there is no blood circulation. If I lose that leg, I can guarantee you’re never spawning again little fucker.”

Dragging one of his legs behind due to additional weight, Vanitas entered the room, going straight to Ventus.

What he didn’t expect, was for the Vile Phial he left here last time as an experiment to still be in the room.

Not long after that, the Hareriser unwrapped it’s ears, jumping of his shoes and went off, cartwheeling around the room. As if hearing something that Vanitas couldn’t, the vial took off after the other creature. As soon as Vanitas realized what was happening, he facepalmed, dragging his hand down his face.

“They’re fucking playing. Fuck you Ven, you’ve made my Unversed _nice_. What’s even wrong with you?! If you’re sleeping then sleep, damn it. Just make up your mind whether you’re going to be useful and wake up or… this. Doing hearts know what you are doing now. Because you’re obviously not sleeping, or else you’d have w-“

A loud series of squeaks interrupted his monologue. Looking behind he could feel a headache incoming. The Hareriser had currently its ears wrapped around the Vile Phial’s body the latter flying around, making fancy loops which were accompanied by the loud squeaks.

“Congratulations Venny, you fucking broke them.” He spat out, sitting at his other half’s feet. “The only thing that’s MINE and mine alone, and yet you had to do…THIS! What’s even so great about it, this dumb bunny is going to slip and kill itself. Really, so much fun. You know what else is fun? Being in coma. That’s probably what’s wrong with you. That book in library said that a coma can last from a few days up to few years. Thought you are really out for the record. How long has it been?”

Stretching out his legs and still observing playing creatures, Vanitas tried to recall as much as he could of the events leading up to this day, unconsciously tugging at a little silver star hanging from the straps on his wrist.

“Hm. So after your attempted murder – or suicide, it looks that way when you think about it – you brought us to that dumbass kid. I don’t know if he was such a trusting naïve little dumbass or if he simply wasn’t aware of me tagging along.” with a snort he craned his head back so he could take a look at the blonde’s face.“Bet you’re surprised. I have to admit I was too. For some time I thought that the old man found a way to bring me back. But now I do remember what really happened. Who would have thought that personally seeing the little face stealer would bring something good. I’m not really sure how, but I think he might have triggered my memory.”

 He didn’t know why was he even saying any of this to Ventus. It’s not like his other half even heard him, being in the comatose state he was. All he knew was that once he did start talking, it kind of felt like the heavy veil of constant pain over his piece of heart was slightly lifted. Saying everything out loud was also kind of helping with sorting his own emotions in order.

“I don’t really know how much time passed but last time I remember, brat’s head was reaching around my knees. Then… something happened.”

If Vanitas haven’t gone back to watching the unversed, he would have probably noticed the pained expression that suddenly formed on the other boy’s face at his words.

“Something… something ripped us _out_ , I think. Both of us… that’s when I got back inside this body. I don’t know what happened to you. Your piece should have come-“

Vanitas froze and slowly turned around. Cautiously, he poked Ven’s chest, quickly drawing his hand back.

“Your heart…” he whispered softly. “It should have come right back to you. That’s why you’re like this, right?”

Suddenly a very stupid idea came to his head. It was probably going to end up in failure, but it’s not like Vanitas even had anything to lose anymore. With a determined glint in his eyes he stood up, summoning a corridor of darkness.

“Just… wait here. Don’t move. Wait, that’s… nevermind. I’ll be back, I promise.”

Tapping into his emotions, he created a few of Mandrakes and Floods.

“I hope you’re not as useless as always, so… stay here… just in case.”

Walking through the corridor he whispered one last “ _I’ll be back Ventus”._ With a destination clear in his mind, he allowed the darkness around to find the path that would allow him safe passage.

It was stupid idea. The chances of it working were minimal, but maybe.

Just maybe.

If he found Ventus’ heart and gave it back to his light, then maybe his other half would accept his piece of heart too and finally they’ll be okay.

Whole.

Not two broken pieces, but _a whole heart._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know, one second I'm listening to some old lady telling me about how you make caramel out of sugar and next this thing is basically writing itself.
> 
> Have a hopeful sad Vanitas, getting back his memories, being abused by smelly old geezer and letting his emotions have fun?  
> I don't know.
> 
> On another note - every time I see notification that somebody left kudos or a comment I feel my heart doing really wicked and sick flips and I love you all so much <3 <3


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> JESUS ONLY 4 MORE DAYS

To say that Vanitas was surprised to see all of his unversed that he left behind practically sitting in Ventus’ laps would be an understatement.

“What the fuck Ven, stop stealing my emotions. You better appreciate all the shit that I’m doing for you, asshole. What did you do today, huh? Nothing? Why I’m not surprised… While you were damaging your spine and doing whatever subconscious magic you’re doing to my unversed, because last time I remember they were all for attacking you and your dumb friends…Back to the thing.”

He inhaled deeply. Ventus probably didn’t hear a single thing that he had ever said, and yet, much to his own horror, he _wanted_ the blonde to know what was going on. As embarrassing as it would be after all the things he said, the second book he read about comas said that sometimes, people could hear what was happening around them. He really doubted a coma applied anymore, now that he was almost sure he knew what was the cause of Ven’s slumber.

“I broke into Ansem’s, yeah, the REAL Ansem, study. Honestly, those idiots could at least put some protection around it. It wasn’t even that hard. And hearts, are they dumb, there were some books left, and notes, but most of it was on a computer. Bet you don’t even know what a computer is. Actually, I’m positive you don’t because I don’t remember anything about computers from… _ours memories…_ I had to go to that dumb engineer. “the black haired boy snickered, at the memory of how angry was the girl when she saw him again. “ Turns out that having that stupid brat’s face IS good for something. Ever heard of puppy eyes? You just pretend to people that you are greatly upset by something and make a sad face, and they do everything for you. I don’t get how dumb they have to be to fall for something like that. Anyway, she was so mad she got all red in face and was stuttering so bad!”

Trying to get his laugh under control, he shuffled away from the sleeping boy, leaning on one leg, staring at the colorful windows installed behind the thrones.

“I sold her some absolutely _heartbreaking_ story about my terrible past, getting separated from my brother and having to find him! Like the sound of that Ven? _Brother?_ You know, just like _you_ and _your precious Terra!_ See, you don’t even need him since you have _me_. Anyway, she finally cracked and taught me how to use a computer. So I went back to Hollow and get this, the computer was already on and unlocked, they were just asking for it, who I am to pass such a good opportunity?” if somebody could see Vanitas behind his mask, they’d say his smirk was more of a predator than a human. “Turns out that everybody have a body, a soul and a heart. You can survive without a heart, although not completely intact. Also somebody else can temporarily hold your heart. I think…I think your heart went back to the brat. Otherwise it _would have_ returned to you, but he’s holding it back.”

When Vanitas finally turned to Ventus he was surprised to see that the Unversed were no longer present. Briefly, he recalled that it had happened already once or twice, the creatures disappearing on their own, not causing him an overwhelming wave of returning emotions.

“I’m not doing this for you. I’m doing it for myself. I’m sick of always hurting and the old man using me for his plans. So, I’m going to find your part of heart. By the way, you cannot be my _other half_ anymore. I was at marketplace at Hollow Bastion yesterday and there was some lady who called her husband her other half. So, I took a look around books. Apparently your other half is someone you _love_.” he spat out with grimace.” I don’t want anyone thinking such stupidity. I hate you. So you aren’t my other half. Also halves are equal. And I’m clearly the better one.”

Frowning he crossed his arm and glared at the blonde.

“You hear? It’s official, we’re separate people now. Incomplete but separate. No more halves Ven.”

Vanitas poked Ventus’ leg with his keyblade, but the unconscious boy didn’t even twitch. Rolling his eyes behind the mask, the black haired boy turned and seized the other thrones, studying it.

“I've always wondered, is it like, connected to the floor or will it trip if I jump on it?”

Only the silence answered him. But he was already getting used to it.

“Bet you would never have guts to do it. That stupid master of yours would say you can’t and you wouldn’t even try. Because you’re such a goody two shoes. But you know what? There is no master to tell you what to do. And if nothing is forbidden then it’s okay, right? That’s what I liked the most before the old man found me again. I was free to do anything I wanted. And you know what? There is no one to stop me!”

With those words Vanitas sprinted to the left throne, turned on his heel and charged at the furthest one, jumping at the last moment. For a split second he found himself gripping on the polished wood, feeling dizzy and overwhelmed with euphoria, smug grin forming on his lips. Unfortunately his hands slipped along the curved frame, not allowing him to hoist up. Feeling his own stomach come up to his throat he only let out a shocked gasp and dropped to the floor with a crack.

For a short while only silence and then a painful long whine could be heard.

“See idiot? That’s why I wear that helmet. So I don’t crack my skull like you. Because that damned desert had a shitload of rocks. I can live with experiencing it only once.”

_Wait._

Quickly propping himself on his elbows, he dismissed the mask, revealing his slightly confused face and teary eyes.

“Because… _you_ did. Before. You DID crack your skull!”

The memories were hazy, but they were there. Overwhelmed with this revelation, he crawled closer to Ventus and propped himself on armrest, peering down at the other boy.

“You slipped…on ice? No…something wet… Fountain! You slipped on the edge of fountain! And that kid, he had red scarf!” at this point he could barely hold his excitement, almost shouting every new information that he managed to dig out of his memories. “He rushed for someone, without face... no. No, no, they had face… mask? Ugh… But they healed you. And they had a keyblade. You were grounded for entire week. Wait, it doesn’t… A week… week…helping! You had to help someone for a week. As a punishment. And it was at night so you couldn’t watch the stars.”

Briefly it occurred to Vanitas that if his light part was to wake up, he would have a heart attack from seeing such happiness on his face. But so far, he hadn’t shown any signs of waking so Vanitas hadn’t even tried hiding his reactions and expressions. Besides the idea of Ventus being scared of his happiness had certain appeal, he admitted to himself amused. Besides as much as he loathed to admit it, if the blonde remembered it instead, he would be even more ecstatic than him.

“You had a bracelet. Or was it bangle? But you had it on your arm. That’s why it feels weird…”

Vanitas stared at his own arms, one of his wrists wrapped with leather straps, a single silver star hanging from it, mirroring Ventus’ checkered band. Cautiously he waved his hands around, watching for any reaction. Only when nothing happened, Vanitas carefully grabbed the other’s hand and gently lifted the soft armband.

“You don’t have it anymore… When did you lose it? Before I was made? Why can’t I remember?”

Slumping over the furniture he closed his eyes, concentrating on the memory.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been to that world again. Or at all. At least not as myself, because clearly _we_ have been there. So… a fountain. All I remember it was really big. And a clock above. And stars. I don’t get why but you were nuts about stars. I think even if I lost my memory that one shit I would remember. And we had a cat. Really wierd cat...with a cape? Fuck, it doesn't make any sense. Why would we put a cape on a cat? It's stupid so probably your part of us did it. We had a room with a small bed and huge window... Or maybe the other way around, big bed, small windows. And the cat went everywhere with us. But I don't remember ever feeding it. Shit, did we have a magical cat? Do you think it’s where the old man picked us? Or that’s where we lived with him? Because there were other people with keyblades and... Fuuuuuuuck… Why is it so hard?!” he whined and headbutted Ven’s shoulder. “Do you remember anything asshole? Or you’re too stupid to use your brain?”

Soft snore escaped Ventus’ lips, which brought him a little bit of comfort, because he knew for a fact that no matter what position he slept in, he _never_ snored. So another score for his tiny hope of actually being his own person instead of a part of the blonde. He quickly dismissed this thought. He was just the shadow of Ven’s light and a monster, nothing more.

“Brain… There is something about this word. It sounds… complicated. Did our brain got split too? Because you obviously got the light and I have the darkness. And I do remember how you were at the beginning. You forgot almost everything, becoming even more pathetic than you are. So did the old fart split our heart along with brain? Did one of us got a new brain? I hope you know whatever happened I’m smarter. You’re just sitting here dumbass while I’m asking the big questions about our existence. OUR. As in yours too idiot, because you’re obviously-“

Anything else that Vanitas was going to say was lost as he realized two things at the same time. One was a product of his own carelessness, he was still holding one of Ventus’ hands. Disgusting, though acceptable without a witness. But the other rendered him speechless, because he could bet his own ass along with every Xehanort’s ass that he felt a faint squeeze. It was so soft that if his hands were still clad in darkness, or if he was wearing gloves, he would have probably miss it.

A silence coated the entire room, even their breaths barely audible. Afraid to move his hand, Vanitas only looked up at the peaceful boy. Suddenly everything seemed to slow down, even the constant buzz of the Unversed under his skin seemingly easing.

 So in the smallest, most fragile voice, he whispered “ _Ventus…?_ ”

Something yanked at his heart hard, his head getting heavy. For few seconds Vanitas felt incredibly dizzy, despite leaning on the furniture.

And then everything around him turned black, and he felt like falling and floating at the same time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND WE HAVE FIRST "BROTHER"
> 
> I know the Japan version is already out but I'm avoiding spoilers like a cat avoids bath lol I'll get the game probably on 29th but because of my exams I won't be able to play until at least 3 of february and I wanna scream
> 
> If anybody was wondeing about the "ripped out" part from last chapter - I headcannon Vanitas being freed along with Ventus' and Kairi's heart at the end of KH I. But he doesn't wake up in his body right away, because his part of heart had to get used to having body after like 12 years of not having one. 
> 
> Van is still the lovable little shit and you bet he's going to take advantage of having Sora's adorable face and turn puppy eyes into a weapon XD
> 
> Also I was telling my friend about KH and at the Van&Ven part he asked if the other half means they are together or what? So imagine the horror on Vanitas' face when he realizes people could have assumed he was talking about his loved one, while in reality he was still salty about Ventus and him sharing a heart, I just had to include it
> 
> And my biggest wonder, why the hell would Vanitas climb the throne in the trailer? The only answear I come up with was "well, because he can" ̶o̶k̶a̶y̶ ̶i̶'̶m̶ ̶d̶i̶s̶g̶u̶s̶t̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶l̶i̶a̶r̶ ̶i̶ ̶w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ ̶t̶o̶o̶ ̶c̶l̶i̶m̶b̶ ̶a̶ ̶t̶a̶l̶l̶ ̶f̶u̶r̶n̶i̶t̶u̶r̶e̶ ̶i̶f̶ ̶n̶o̶b̶o̶d̶y̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶n̶e̶s̶s̶,̶ ̶i̶'̶m̶ ̶n̶o̶t̶ ̶s̶a̶y̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶i̶ ̶a̶l̶r̶e̶a̶d̶y̶ ̶d̶i̶d̶ ̶m̶u̶l̶t̶i̶p̶l̶e̶ ̶t̶i̶m̶e̶s̶ 
> 
> A wild magical cat appears.
> 
> Oh no! What is happening with the boys! I know and you will find out soon! It's only two chapters more till end, OR one bigass chapter. I'm planning to finish it right before 29th or on 29th. Either way, hope you enjoyed this one <3


	8. I fucking hate my life

I'm so sorry guys, two days ago my project-partner from uni crashed my computer and I'm livid, because not only the final chapter is a Schrödinger's chapter until I get any info from the service, but also all my essays for studies and I've been crying so much, because I might not get any of data back and the final deadline is on the end of week, and all I have is my phone. I told him over 20 times to not download any shit on it when we were working on a project but he did it anyway and it turned out the file was corrupted and the virus started wrecking my computer right away. I'm so sorry, I'll try to rewirte it, and post it as soon as I can.  
I hope your past days were much better than mine and you all can enjoy KH III (I only watched the opening and with current situation I have even more work than before, because I have to redo everything, so I don't even know when I'll be able to actually play it).

 


	9. Chapter 9

At first everything was black, no sense of up and down, no orienting point visible, just endless void, even for his eyes. The feeling of floating, his body slowly swaying, twisting, moving on it’s own. A silent void. Vanitas couldn’t be sure how much time have passed, or if it even passed at all.

Something warm bloomed in his chest. A particular warm feeling he’d recognize everywhere.

That brat’s heart.

Sora’s heart. Warm and welcoming for him and Ventus. The foreign feeling of not entirely safety, but something close. How he despised that heart for being so bright and open. So full of everything, giving, giving and still full despite how much of his heart the brat put into everything. His friends, his hobbies, his family, helping everyone around, even him, a creature of darkness. And yet, it was still bursting with light.

And then it disappeared, gradually slipping into a feeling similar to it, but also with a touch of darkness. The first thing Vanitas felt was pain, then came grief, loneliness, the feeling of losing something so big and important it scared even him, although it was only an echo of someone’s else feelings. At the very end he felt something akin to sadness, but also sense of right. Surprised, the black haired boy realized that he could actually name each of the secondhand emotions. Then came anger and despair, and finally peace.

Just like Sora’s, the feelings disappeared, leaving him floating in the void again.

Then came another warmth, one that he recognized even faster than that stupid brat, for it was his light. For a second it was only that, then, suddenly so many different emotions rushed through him, it left him gasping, clawing at his throat, desperately trying to catch his breath. Caution, worry, then the relief, happiness, safety similar to a soft blanket wrapping around him, along with excitement.

Before he properly realized it, something wrapped around his wrist, forcing his arm forward. And then, just like a flipped switch, there was light everywhere. His shoes suddenly touched something hard and he forced his eyes open, not even remembering when he had closed them.

He felt another wave of emotions, this time his own, at the sight that greeted him. First it was shock, then relief, a tiny spark of anger, quickly shut down by confusion and fear. But the most surprising of them all was the giddy feeling of joy, just barely there, but still.

And in front of him, just a few steps away was the reason of his inner turmoil, Ventus. With a wide grin, that practically screamed in Van’s face ‘you’re so fucking screwed’ (after all, he had seen it on his own face so many times), he stood there, relaxed, his hand loosely holding the other boy’s wrist. At first he wasn’t sure what was more off-putting – Ventus smiling at him in a manner that was always on his face when he was around his friends, or if it was Ventus’ presence in general.

Was he dreaming? There was no reason for the blonde to smile at him like that. Not to mention how relaxed he was, which was a huge contrast to the usual scowl and anger radiating from him at the very mention of Vanitas. Unsure on how to react he choose to simply look at their hands. Ven’s was mostly smooth, a few white lines running back an forth. The other boy’s hand was different, much paler, with big, jagged scar on the back of his hand, a reminder of badly aimed dark firaga and a constant lack of potions.

Suddenly a light slap on the back of his head brought his attention back to the blonde and Vanitas couldn’t help but stare speechless. The initial grin changed to something much softer that left Vanitas with the feeling of something gripping his throat, golden eyes burning. Could someone’s face be poisonous? He was almost hundredth percent sure that Ven’s was.

“What the fuck?” he whispered hoarsely.

And there went that soft smile, Ventus’ eyes rolling harder than he ever thought was possible. Second slap, this time to his arm.

“Stop it dumbass!”

With a sneer, he wrestled his hand out and took a step back. Taking a quick look around his surroundings turned out to be a bad idea as soon as his eyes landed on the ground. Or rather the glass-like surface specific for the Dive to the Heart.

That wasn’t really that surprising. He was pretty certain that he ended up there as soon as he felt Ventus’ presence. What was also expected, but hurt none the less was how green and bright it was. Inside the smaller circles’, where once was the symbol of the damned χ-blade, was a simple wayfinder. Gone were also the keychains of Void Gear. But what surprisingly stung the most was the very obvious absence of him. Now it was like in the very beginning, just Ventus and his friends.

While he suspected that healing “their” heart would heal it and return to “normal”, a small part of him was hoping that healing would mean at least sparing him the pain of existence, and rejoining them both as one. Because normal people don’t share hearts. It’s always one person, one heart, light and darkness, full package. Only a disgusting monster like him would have a broken quarter of heart, shattered, the darkness seeping from the edges. He had seen it only once and even with all his self-destructive tendencies, he never tried nor wanted to see it again. Unfortunately the sight was burned into his memory. He dived only once, out of pure curiosity, when it was still him and zombie-like Ventus at the desert, before Xehanort send him off to Eraqus.

It was similar to his light’s, Vanitas silhouette, surrounded by the symbols of his Unversed from one side. Everything past that was covered in thick puddles of darkness that clung to everything, the entire edge of it shattered, sharp pieces half stuck in darkness, almost like a glass sticking to glue. Whereas hearts didn’t exactly smell like anything, his piece was of course the exception, rich and suffocating scent of darkness surrounding the already painful reminder of what he was.

Rotten.

His piece of heart looked like it was slowly rooting.

What brought him out of the self-loathing spiral was a sudden surge of feelings, or more like a hammer of annoyance and caring right into his gut. Taking a deep breath to get himself together he sneaked a look at the other boy, blue and gold meeting halfway.

Ven was looking at him with his hands on hips, a slight scowl on his face. But it should have been impossible. The blonde didn’t know about their connection… did he? Next wave of feelings, this time he was sure it was affection, just like the one directed at his friends, made him grab his chest, the feelings so strong it felt like he would have burst. It also held a hint of aggression. Was this even a thing, aggressive affection?

“What the hell are you doing?!” he choked out, closing his eyes, his mind spinning with how many emotions and feelings it had to process.

If this is how his light felt things, maybe it was better that he was broken. Vanitas wasn’t used to such strong feelings if it wasn’t anger and pain. Those were so common to him that it sometimes took him a while to notice he was bleeding. Somewhere on the back of his mind he noted that there weren’t any unversed spawning yet. With something akin to horror he realized that this _affection_ was in fact directed _at him._

Quickly he turned to Ventus, only to find the other boy already by his side, again grabbing his arm and dragging him to some point at the very end of the platform. Briefly it passed his mind that maybe the blonde was going to push him of the edge, to fall down to… what exactly?

Was there anything below? Or was it surrounded by void, just waiting to sweep him and never let go?

As if sensing his dark thoughts (and honestly maybe he was crazy, but what else could it be?), Ven gave him a slight shove, but still not letting go of his arm. Finally he stopped, Vanitas walking right into him, quickly straightening himself , lost in thoughts again, marveling at many different new emotions and feelings he could name now. Was it just a side effect of being inside actual heart? Or maybe it was all a dream? Did he slip into coma as well, his broken heart unstable and unable to support him anymore? No, it couldn’t be that, after all, he knew about nobodies now.

_Snap. Snap. Snap._

Blinking, he focused on the fingers in front of his face.

_Snap._

“Stop it moron. You have mouth, so use it.”

Waiting until he had the black haired boy’s full attention, he pointed at his lips and shook his head with a small pout. But it was soon replaced with a smirk that dispelled every single doubt about them being one person before. It was slightly unsettling to see Ventus’ face twisting into familiar manner(one that usually twisted his own features), that mean smirk getting only bigger. Just as Vanitas was about to ask him what was it all about, he felt a push and he lost his balance.

Suddenly everything felt like he’d been hit by a powerful Stopga, dread clawing at his insides as he was tipping over the edge. So he was right, his light finally proved to him that yes, he was not only far from pathetic as he always taunted him, but now an equal even in simple physical strength. A flurry of different emotions passed through him, fear, sadness, a tiny bit of pride that his light stopped being such a weakling, finally taking matters into his hands. _Quiet literally._ There was also regret. He wasn’t really sure what he regretted. It certainly wasn’t fighting for his own life, nor pushing Ventus’ buttons. He just wanted him to get strong again, so they could meet as equals, forge the damned weapon and stab the old man with it. _Repeatedly._ Oh the sweet irony of that. At last it came to him, the realization that he regretted that even his own fucking light, the other piece of his heart, thought of him to better be dead than taking back that rotten piece of darkness that he was missing. Maybe thanks to Sora, not only Ventus’ body, but also heart healed completely, growing him a new darkness. One that wasn’t a monster never meant to be.

**WHACK.**

The feeling of his side colliding with something hard, sturdy, absolutely not falling into and endless void wasn’t something he would have ever expected. His eyes snapping open, he saw a dark glassy sort of pavement, connected to the Dive. Propping himself, Vanitas whipped back to face his not-murderer. There he was, with smug, shit-eating grin, shoulders shaking in a silent laughter.

“YOU FUCKING DICK I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DIE! STOP LAUGHING YOU ASSHOLE!”

He could only watch with disbelief as Ven seemed to have trouble with breathing, doubling over, one hand braced on his knee, tears of mirth gathering in blue eyes. Still. Laughing. At. Him.

“It’s not fucking funny you shithead! What the fuck is even wrong with you?! You fucking ratted Skuld out when she wanted to scare Strel to get back at her! And now you’re faking murder! What kind of a fucking rollercoaster is-"

Whatever he was about to say next died on his lips, throat tightening. Faint memories, distant, like they were thousands of years away. Names that were always stuck on the end of his tongue, never fully able to form, coming to his mind freely. Their friends, their Union _, their fucking dumb beloved cat with a magical cape._ The foretellers, Daybreak Town, that damned book of prophecies. Theirs, but also at the same time _his._ Could it still be _theirs,_ but at the same time only _his_?

So lost in his own mind due to the flood of memories and feeling, he almost didn’t notice Ventus walking right over him, going wherever the dark navy path leaded. Stumbling over his own feet, he stood up and raced after him.

“Wait, where are you going, you little shit?!”

Completely ignoring his shouts and following curses, the blonde finally stopped at the very end of the path. But end wasn’t what rendered Vanitas speechless again. It was what was connected to it. Just like at the other side, it was connected to a circular platform, familiar shape of a Dive to the Heart.

The amount of times he felt like crying and laughing today was beginning to get ridiculous. As if sensing his disbelief, Ven stepped aside, again wearing the same soft grin directed at Vanitas, that he absolutely didn’t deserve, gesturing with his hand for the other boy to go first.

Cautiously, afraid that it all was in fact just a painful, but oh so amazing dream, he slowly shuffled to the very edge. Squinting his eyes hard, he held his breath in and put one foot on the platform. After few seconds when he felt no sudden pain, nor any pungent smell hit his nostrils, he turned to look at Ventus.

The blonde only made shooing gesture with his hands and Vanitas had to choke back a sob. His entire body shaking he made it to the center and fell down on his knees, his own arms wrapping around his middle. Not a moment later he felt a second pair of arms wrapping around his shoulders, gathering him in a warm, tight embrace. Finally he broke down, sobbing uncontrollably. He shoved his face into Ventus’ shoulder, ignoring the pauldron digging in his face, smearing his tears and probably snot all over the black side of his jacket. _Served him right for his earlier stunt._

He didn’t know how long he was crying holding onto his light like his life depended on it. It was really a wonder, how the tables have turned. Not that long ago, he would have rather keeled over than show any kind of weakness around Ventus. Around anyone.

Weakly, he let out a hoarse laugh, sniffling loudly. Twisting, he freed himself from the embrace and crawled to the place where he remembered his heart ended, changing into shattered, sharp mess. Not even caring that he looked absolutely stupid and pathetic, he dragged his hand over the place, second wave of tears falling next to it.

Where once was the disgusting broken edge of his piece of heart, now was a smooth surface, spreading right to the very end of the circle. With no darkness covering it, the colors seemed vibrant, aggressive red outline perfectly fitting with the rest of the pattern. As if mirroring the previous heart, Vanitas silhouette was situated on the left edge, Void Gear firmly grasped in his hand. The smaller circles next to his head were interlaced with the motif of his current keyblade’s keychain and a golden star, just like the keychain of his precious forgotten Starlight. But the one most surprising was the one inside, which held Ven’s green wayfinder. In the background there was no desert, but a night sky full silver dots and stars. Around it all, on the edge was another outline of small circles, inside them repeating symbols of the Unversed.

It was a full, complete heart. It was _his._ It was beautiful.

“You fucking idiot.” He croaked out with sudden realization. “You heard every single shit I said, didn’t you?”

The tiny smile that appeared on Ventus’ face confirmed his suspicions, followed by a small nod. It would have been heart warming if not for the ruined side of jacket, which made him look ridiculous. Letting out a chuckle of his own, slowly Vanitas stood up, walking around, completely with awe and grateful to Ven for giving him space.

“It’s _mine_ Ven. Oh fuck, it’s mine! I’m… I’m me.” Suddenly getting serious, he came back to the other boy, feeling conflicted. Taking his time with wiping his face, he tried to find a way to explain his newfound feelings. Finally he took a deep breath, catching the other’s attention.

“You’re…not. You’re not my light anymore, right?”

At that, a bright glint appeared in blue eyes and the blonde shook his head. It took him a while then to properly understand what he was mouthing, but once he did, he couldn’t help choking back another sob, finally understanding, that yes he was feeling positive emotions on his own now. If he would have had any tears left, he would probably start weeping again, for the word that Ventus was mouthing was _‘brother’_. Unable to stop himself, he simply threw his arms around the other boy, clinging to him tightly, sniffling and murmuring softly ‘idiot’, sometimes changing it for ‘fucking moron’.

 

* * *

 

 

“I’m going to find that brat. I’ll drag him here if I’ll have to, I swear. I’ll kick his ass, he might be a fucking hero and Guardian of Light, I don’t care. Hearts, our Chirithy would throw a fit if he saw us now. Or we would give him a heart attack. Imagine leaving one kid and coming back to find that now you have two.”

Laughing under his nose, Vanitas casted a last glance at Ventus peacefully sleeping in the throne.

“Sleep while you can, I’ll drag your ass everywhere once you’ll wake up. I’m going to destroy you in a snowball fight, brother. The next time I’m here, you better get ready for a loud visitor, this fucking brat doesn’t know what an indoor voice is. You couldn't have picked any worse. At least he got my looks, so there is some hope for him."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM ALIVE.  
> Did this dickhead who crashed my computer failed this semester?  
> Yes he did!  
> Did I also fail?  
> Well, yes, but that's beside the point.
> 
> Thank god, the tech guy was able to save most of my stuff <3  
> So there is the last chapter, later, I'll delete the update about my comp.  
> Funny enough, the last part was written as the very first thing lmao.  
> You may ask, why is Ven being a lil shit. Well, Vanitas had to come from somewhere, right? I hc him being a mix of both their personalities before they got split. Like the split amplified good things in Ven and sadly, bad things in Van.  
> Also he's still salty about Vanitas being a total dick in BBS sooo... Besides, have you met any siblings that don't tease each other?
> 
> I don't know what will happen in KHIII, I have managed to play like 7 hours and I'm in love with the game. Still, this story remains spoiler free.
> 
> Give my trash boy happiness Square, or else I'll have to continue writting fics like those.  
> I don't even know what to say, I decided to make Ventus unable to talk, it just fitted, this boy is a sunshine even without words!  
> I hope you had fun while reading it! Every single person that left kudos and comments has my undying love <3

**Author's Note:**

> This story is was inspired by Vanitas calling Ventus "brother" and my take on how did it come to this. Mainly it's going to be Ventus sleeping while Vanitas comes and goes, trying to made his mind up about what to do next. But being unable to freely talk to anyone, Vanitas finally snaps.


End file.
